Cello Babe

I've signed up for cello lessons! I saw Yo-Yo Ma on PBS the other day and there he, was playing a Bach suite on a NYC street corner. A big fat smile on his face and not a care in the world. All I could say was "WOW"!

Back in jr. high and high school I was first chair cello. Played in college, too, and even thought about being a music major. But "life" happened and my darling cello, Isabel, took a back seat. I did play for a while last year but it didn't last long. Dr. Channing says I need to finish what I start. She is very supportive and likes that I'm pursuing other interests besides Project Runway and Ben & Jerry's.

My Date With Todd - Part 2

First of all, I am aware that my last post was AGES ago. Suffice it to say (yikes, cliche alert!) that the last couple of weeks have been INSANE!

However, I would still like to complete my post about my FIRST DATE WITH TODD.

So after coffee, we went to dinner at Pelican Wing, a quaint bistro that specializes in seafood. They also have the best desserts in town.

Over a plate of basil pesto penne pasta with a chocolate ice cream brownie chaser, I was a bit nervous. Unlike other dates I'd been on, Todd was actually interested in what I was saying. He asked about my job (I love it!), about my family (totally crazy), my hobbies (uh. . . watching TV?)

But then he asked me a question that no one but Dr. Channing has ever asked me.

TODD: So, Madison. What are your hopes and dreams?

ME: Hopes and dreams?

TODD: Yeah, what do you want to accomplish in your life? What do you see in your future?

ME: Is this a trick question?

(What are my hopes and dreams? I could see that he was sincere and wanted to know about me. Luckily I resisted the temptation to crack a joke. He sensed my anxiety, so to get me off the hook he answered the question for himself.)

TODD: My dream is to make movies. I'm going to film school at night, but my day job keeps me pretty busy. I'm 31 and I've been doing the same job since I graduated from college. I've decided life is too short.

ME: Wow!

Fast forward: After dinner we walked in the park and talked some more. Todd likes to talk, but he also listens. I'm so NOT used to that in a guy. The big question: Did he kiss me? Yes. 

The good news is he called back the next day and we went on another date. Then another. Then another.

I told Dr. Channing about Todd and she approves. My mission now is to figure out the answer to his question.

My Date with Todd - Part One

Last night was my blind date with Todd. We agreed to meet at Java the Hutt for coffee at 6:00. He was sitting at a table by the window waiting for me. We had exchanged photos through email so there were no surprises on that front. (So far this sounds like a military operation. . . too much Mission Impossible.)


From his photo I had judged him to be a seven, but now that I saw him in person, he was more like an eight or nine. Brown eyes, dark hair, kinda like Colin Farrell. Yikes! What am I doing on a date with Colin Farrell!

Todd is a nice and interesting person. He works as a web designer for a start-up company. Yep, he's a geek (that's a good thing). He plays the piano (very cool). He's knows about art (my passion). He plays video games (he mentioned a few but I am not a gamer so I had no idea what he was talking about).

I was happy to learn that he likes movies, and not just the typical guy movies with car chases, bimbos and martial arts. 

Best of all, he didn't run screaming out the door when he heard that I see a therapist. It was a test. Maybe it was too much information on the first date, but I figured if that scared him off, then he's not the guy for me.

I was relieved that I didn't speak in cliches the entire evening. Whew! Dr. Channing would be proud.

I Will Be Calm...

After my session with Dr. Channing today, I am less anxious about my blind date. I've decided to just be myself and let the chips fall where they may...(Oh, no! I hope I don't start speaking in cliches with Todd! That's what happens when I get nervous...I will be calm...I will be calm...I will be calm...)

Fortunately, Chondra showed me picture of Todd so I already know going into this that he is a seven. I can handle a seven. In fact, I prefer a seven because I think that's what I am. (See, Dr. Channing! My self-esteem is improving!)

Todd wears Buddy Holly glasses and has a gap between his front teeth. Wondering if he is geek. I like geeks. Hoping he's not a deer hunter.

Blind Date

What is wrong with me? I can't believe I agreed to go on a blind date! It's this Friday, which means I have four days of acute anxiety building up to a psychotic breakdown!

It all started when I ran into a Chondra at the coffee shop yesterday. I was sitting there reading "The Litigators: on my Kindle, minding my own business . . .

CHONDRA: Madison! It's great to see you!

ME: Chondra! What are you doing here? (I always say that to people I run into. It's stupid but I can't help it.)

CHONDRA: I"ve been meaning to call you. There's a guy that I'd like to introduce you to. You're still single, right?

ME: Not interested.

CHONDRA: He's really sweet. He's a friend of Jeremiah's and he's just moved into town. His name's Todd.

ME: Todd? As in the "Saturday Night Live" sketch with Bill Murray and Gilda Radner?

CHONDRA: What?

ME: Nevermind.

CHONDRA: Well, I thought you two might hit it off. You have a lot in common. You work in an art gallery and Todd . . . well . . .he likes art!

I give Chondra the evil eye. She's been trying to match me up with somebody for three years, ever since she and Jeremiah have been together. Why do people in relationships want everyone else to be in a relationship? I'm already in a relationship! With my THERAPIST! And my brother's DOG! Not to mention BEN & JERRY!

Of course I didn't say any of this to Chondra. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I agreed to go out with Todd. I just didn't have the heart to disappoint her.

Thank God I'm seeing Dr. Channing on Thursday before the date. I have a feeling of impending doom.

Hello? Anybody there?

Friends, Foes, and Fellow Human Beings:

After several months in therapy I think I'm sane enough to continue this blog. At least that's what Dr. Channing says. The jury is out.

I don't want to bore you with all the details of my time away, but suffice it to say that I have learned a lot about myself. And the one thing that I have come away with is that LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!

I think my life was so "me" oriented that I was suffocating myself. I couldn't breathe. My absorption in myself was overwhelming. The irony of this blog is that's it's about "me", but when I think and write about "me" I become more dysfunctional.

Word for the year? Paradox.

Doctor's Note

To Whom It May Concern:

Due to a recent psychological trauma, Madison W. is unable to update her online journal. She is currently staying at a psychiatric treatment facility where she is getting the best of care. She wanted me to let you know that she is "okay," and has plans to continue the journal when she is able.

Sincerely,
Dr. Gwenyth P. Channing